Saturday, July 15, 2006

In the Fishbowl

I split my time at the gym somewhat unevenly between the Uptown and Midtown YWCAs. Uptown because it's closest to Dan's apartment and also located conveniently next to two lakes for running around outside when the weather is conducive to that, and Midtown because it's just a whole lot nicer - high ceilings, lots of machines, huge track, lots of space - and by space I mean both physical and mental. Uptown is a claustrophobic's nightmare, and it's not just because the ceilings are low, it's sort of dark and the machines are so close together that it's not uncommon to find someone else's sweat flinging on to you from your neighbor's elliptical. Also because, true to Uptown form, the personalities are big:

Megaman: A man of about 70 who is so buff in his chest and torso that he can't stand up straight, kind of like a He-Man action figure. He's there every, every day and spends his time at the fitness center split equally between chatting with the staff and the regulars and lifting weights as he grunts freely and loudly as if he's having the best orgasm of his life.

Bones: A woman so thin that I could easily wrap my entire hand around both of her upper arms. She's there when I get there, climbing step after step on the stair climbing machine, and she's still there when I leave an hour later. Every time I see her I wonder if someone shouldn't say something to her, but I'm not an eager volunteer. It makes me really sad.

Mr. Fabulous: A flamboyantly gay man who intermittantly sings Erasure at the top of his lungs while he runs on the treadmill. If it's a weightlifting day, he'll do a little dance routine (complete with spins and ballet jumps) between machines. The soundtrack for these days is most likely one of several musicals.

Glamour Girls: A series of beautiful women who wear sports bras, thongs and bicycle shorts and use the elliptical machines right in the middle of the gym for an hour every day. It's literally impossible not to watch them given the fitness center layout. The YWCA staff has placed a television right above that row of machines. There's no way the girls could see that from where they're standing, but the men on the row of ellipticals right behind them can use it as a smokescreen for staring at some hot ass.

A1 for entertainment.

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