Older & Wiser

I feel like a grownup today. Not in that horrifying way, where you feel scared and alone and crazy and incapable and want to call your mom. It's the kind of day that feels totally opposite of that.

I got up this morning and ran for 3.25 miles, biked for about 12, and could do it without passing out. Having that schedule makes my body feel good, which makes me feel good, and the routine is valued and feels like an indulgence rather than a chore. Plus, the money my insurance company reimburses me for being a regular gym member has become an impromptu savings account, which I haven't really done in the past.

In the midst of a series of expensive car repairs, news came of some extra money coming my way as a result of the extra hours I've been putting in at work and the tasks that I've been juggling that have caused 40 hour work weeks to turn into 60 hour ones. Upon receiving this news 5 years ago, I probably would have run out to enhance my CD collection. Today, though, I thought "Wow! This doesn't have to go on my credit card! How amazing!" I then thought about that parking ticket from a few months ago that I still haven't paid (did you know you can't park on bridges?), the CDs I bought from BMG that haven't been paid, the dental filling that wasn't fully covered by insurance, and those can get covered, too. And I don't feel like it's an injustice.

To write all this down and look at it, it seems sort of insignificant...boring even. Who cares about this stuff anyway? Me. Thinking about how unfulfilling work used to be and how its changing, how I've taken responsibility for how I look and feel as a result of my actions and have lost 70 pounds and counting and have quit smoking, how I look at the future as something challenging and amazing that will allow me to have a house and a family with someone I love and trust...

You can't touch this.