Friday, June 24, 2005

Fright Night

Dream 1: I get home and there’s a scruffy, dirty, wild-eyed older man standing in the vestibule of my building. I’m instantly terrified of him. He steps back from the door as I walk up to it, but I don’t put the key in because I’m afraid he’ll follow me in. He shows me two keys that look like my apartment and mailbox key, and says that his security key is getting fixed but that he lives in the building. I reluctantly let him follow me into the building. He walks to an apartment door just down the hall from mine, watching me the whole way. As I stick my key in the lock, he says that he was lying, he doesn’t really live in the building. I open my door and shut it behind me, but the keys he had were to my apartment. I can hear him fumbling with the lock as I try to remove a screen to jump out of my window.

Dream 2: I’m at a party. There’s a pool in the backyard, in which I’ve lost a ring. I bend down to see if I can see it. I don’t want anyone at the party to notice me getting in the water. I strip to underwear and jump in after it. I open my eyes underwater and can see the ring shining on the bottom of the pool and make a dive for it, but it’s so cold that it’s hard for me to keep holding my breath and I have to surface again and breathe before going back down for it. I grab the ring, slip it on, and surface. As I climb up the ladder, a bunch of partygoers and their children come out to the backyard. We’re talking toddlers. Lots and lots of toddlers in tiny autumn jackets. They all get very excited when they see me come out of the pool, and before anyone can stop them, 10 or so of them toddle into the water, laughing and squealing. Some of them can swim, some can’t. People start jumping in after them. I see a baby in a life jacket in front of me. He’s slipping out of the jacket and sinking. I jump in after him, pull him out of the water and run into the house looking for towels. It’s freezing, the baby is alive, but wet and shivering, and I am drying him off and sobbing with the guilt of causing such a chaos.

Waking up alone and afraid is one of the worst feelings in the world.

3 comments:

Charles said...

Dream 1: The old man represents your willingness to disregard obvious reservations about people and to take a risk on trusting them. In the dream, you believed the old man lived in the building against your better judgment, and your instincts were telling you not to let him in. Ultimately, trusting people ends up as a serious emotional risk for you, but more so, a physical risk. In the dream your physical safety was threatened and your home invaded. The home represents you.

Dream 2: You feel like you have sacrificed your opportunities to marry and have children. The ring in a pool is a wedding ring. People all around you are married and have children and you feel ashamed of not being on their level. You don't want others to know you have a desire for intimacy on par with marriage. You keep having to surface because the relationships you believe could bring you a ring are ultimately not emotionally supportive enough (cold water) for you. You secretly believe that even if you do get married, you still won't be able to (or shouldn't) have children.

Kelli said...

Hey Maria,
I was cruzing by and love dreams. So I read it and while I don't have a clear analysis, I believe dream #1 is somewhere along these lines, slightly similar in points to Charles' but not entirely.

The old man, I think, represents something you fear. Keys represent access and authority. Your building represents your presentation and your apt, the intimate you. The old man has access to your inner being somehow. That scares you, so you keep certain things out. But if they get past your security door somehow they could destroy you.

This fear could be something in your family or from your childhood that always comes up but is never dealt with. Your way of dealing with it is to ignore it and hope it goes away. But you dont really know how to deal with this issue whatever it is.

My suggestion, so as to not leave you hanging with this state, is that you really look at the fear in your heart is. What does the old man represent to you. Ask the Lord to give you revelation and strength to face it work it out. This fear obviously harasses you.

You can change the outcome of you dreams. Once you are free from your fears and you have a dream like that again you can deal with it. You can look at the old man and say, "Sorry, I cant let you in this building if you don't have a key." Key is the authority to get in. And you can also say, "those are my keys and I'm taking them back."

You probably wont have this dream again but just so you know you can do that in your dreams. Take practice but its possible.

Dream #2
I think you carry too much responsability on yourself. I only read this posting but, you try to do things on your own. Your ashamed about what you really want and feel like you wont get any support and if you're found out to have any of this inside you all hells gonna break loose.

Now I dunno about your family but I'm just guessing here that you try not to rock the boat. But you know what? People are responsable for their own actions and decisions. You can't manage them.

The babies jumping in didn't know anybetter but the parents are responsible not you.

Well it takes awhile to see differntly but I think your dreams are showing you that you carry a lot. And you so don't need to. Matthew 11:29.

I know this is kinda nuts but thought I'd just throw it out there.

Xtine said...

uh. all i got to say is wow to charles' interpretations. right. on.