Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Politics, politics, politics

Men, women, crushes, sex, dating…it seems like even when you’re opting out (or at least doing your damndest to pretend that you’re “opting” out), it’s all over the place.

Maybe when he said X what he really meant was Y or Z. I mean, maybe it was just X, but why would he have done A and said B when what he really meant was Y? Or Z? It seems like if everything was always precisely black and white that no one would have ever thought to drive themselves crazy with this investigative analytical nonsense. Things aren’t black and white. I know what I’m saying isn’t always what I’m thinking, particularly if I’m nervous or otherwise altered by the presence of a particular someone who hits the right buttons.

Will sex ruin everything? I don’t know. I mean, I still respect a man in the morning even if he does put out early. Sometimes I even cook breakfast. Are we really still dealing with this double standard issue? A lot of people’s intellects want to argue that it’s okay to have sex when you want to, without any assertion of love or committment. Everyone’s motivations, on the other hand, are not the same. Will physical intimacy flower into something more tender? Maybe. But “making love”, though sometimes a clever mask, isn’t the same as feeling it. Is your partner’s interest in you purely sexual? Have you considered asking said person? Are you prepared to deal with the answer? Can you just not sleep with someone, even if you’re “dating”? What does that mean, anyway?

He’s your good friend. She’s your best confidant. You’ve confided fears, secrets, deep feelings. You’ve turned to them at the beginning, middle, end of relationships. You’ve shared clothes, meals, vacations, hobbies, utensils. You have a friend crush? I certainly hope so. If people held relationships to the same standards they held friendships, the world would be a better place – though probably much more crowded. Here are your options: 1. ignore your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend everything is status quo until it is or you have to choose from one of the other options; 2. begin to spend less time with your friend while seeking out new friendships to pursue and strengthen; 3. continue the relationship with your own hidden agendas in the hopes that the person will eventually realize that they feel the same way; 4. have an open and honest conversation with the person and decide what to do as one of two.

There’s this scene at the end of one of the Star Trek films (yes, I’ve seen them all) where they’re going to meet God or what people think is God, and the villain tries to remove the pain from everyone’s life. First he shows it to them – makes them relive it – and then he offers to take it away. Captain Kirk, ever the level-headed hero, says that he needs his pain. Maybe the difficulty is what makes the great loves really great.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” -Rainer Maria Rilke, In Struggle


Xtine said...

so. i think that you started with something really interesting and i also think that the second half is interesting, i'm just not convinced that they mesh as well as you'd like - or maybe that is just the two beers talking. who knows...

Maria said...

This is what blogging when you should be working will get you.